What To Do When Your Partner Won’t Go To Couples Therapy
Bringing up couples therapy with your partner can make you feel vulnerable, especially if you believe it would benefit your relationship. But what happens if they refuse to go? It can be frustrating and disheartening when your partner isn’t on board, but their hesitation doesn’t mean therapy is off the table or your relationship is doomed.
If your partner isn’t willing to attend couples therapy, here’s what you can do to navigate the situation while prioritizing your relationship and your well-being.
1. Try to Understand Their Hesitation
Before jumping to conclusions, take the time to explore why your partner is resistant to therapy. People avoid therapy for a variety of reasons, including:
Stigma or fear of judgment – They may see therapy as something only “broken” relationships need.
Uncertainty about what therapy involves – They might fear they’ll be blamed or that a therapist will take sides.
Discomfort with vulnerability – Discussing emotions in a structured setting can feel intimidating.
Skepticism about its effectiveness – They may not believe therapy will help or might assume it’s unnecessary.
Instead of pushing back immediately, ask open-ended questions to explore their concerns:
“Can you help me understand what makes you uncomfortable about therapy?”
“Is there anything specific that worries you about going?”
“Would it help if we learned more about how couples therapy works together?”
Approaching the conversation with curiosity rather than frustration can help them feel heard rather than pressured.
2. Reframe Therapy as a Growth Opportunity, Not a Last Resort
Many people assume couples therapy is only for relationships on the verge of falling apart. If your partner sees therapy as a sign of failure, they may resist it to avoid facing perceived relationship problems.
Try shifting the narrative:
“I don’t see this as something we ‘need’ because we’re struggling—I see it as something that can help us grow together.”
“Even strong relationships require effort, and I think having guidance from a professional could help us be even better partners for each other.”
“Therapy isn’t about pointing fingers or fixing anyone. It’s just a space for us to understand each other more deeply.”
You may ease their resistance by framing therapy as a proactive, positive step rather than a response to problems.
3. Offer a Compromise
If your partner refuses outright, consider a middle ground. You could:
Suggest trying just one consultation or session to see how it feels rather than committing long-term.
Offer to let them choose the therapist or be involved in the process.
Look into workshops, online courses, or books on relationships that you can explore together as an alternative.
Suggest individual therapy if they’re open to personal growth but hesitant about couples therapy.
If your partner still refuses, respect their decision while making it clear that your feelings and concerns are valid.
4. Consider Individual Therapy for Yourself
If your partner refuses to attend couples therapy, that doesn’t mean you can’t seek support on your own. Individual therapy can help you:
Gain clarity about your feelings and needs in the relationship.
Learn effective communication and boundary-setting skills.
Process frustration, resentment, or disappointment about your partner’s refusal.
Explore whether your relationship is meeting your emotional and relational needs.
Sometimes, when one partner begins therapy and starts making changes, the other partner becomes more open to exploring therapy themselves.
5. Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t force your partner to go to therapy, but you can control your own actions and responses. If your partner refuses therapy, consider:
Implement small relationship changes, like improving communication skills or setting boundaries.
Expressing your needs in a direct, compassionate way without blaming them.
Evaluating whether you feel fulfilled and respected in your relationship.
If therapy feels essential for you and your partner remains unwilling, it’s worth reflecting on whether their refusal aligns with the type of partnership you want to build.
6. Ask Yourself: What Does This Mean for the Relationship?
If therapy is something you deeply value and your partner refuses to consider it, ask yourself:
Does this refusal indicate a pattern of avoiding difficult conversations?
Am I the only one putting effort into strengthening our relationship?
Do I feel heard, valued, and supported even without therapy?
While therapy isn’t the only path to a healthy relationship, a partner’s unwillingness to engage in relational growth may be a sign of deeper incompatibilities. If their refusal is part of a larger pattern of dismissing your needs, it’s essential to reflect on whether this relationship is fulfilling for you.
Final Thoughts
Feeling frustrated or disappointed is understandable if your partner refuses to go to couples therapy. While you can’t force them to attend, you can focus on understanding their concerns, communicating your needs, and seeking support for yourself.
Healthy relationships require mutual effort, and a willingness to grow together is essential. If therapy is important to you, your partner’s response may offer valuable insight into how they approach challenges and emotional connection in the relationship.
